Chess

I used to draw this chess board when I was 17. It always reminded me of a guy who was…I don’t know who he was for me. We met a few times and I had the most boyish conversations with him that I can ever remember. But circumstances made him leave me. He was straight and he was ok with me, but when he found out about my feelings towards him, he couldn’t accept me staying or having any contact with him. I found out he likes chess when we were apart. I read “The Royal Game” (novella by Austrian author Stefan Zweig), who describes the game as something spiritual and helpful for the character in the book while he was locked up. I needed some explanation about the game, because I couldn’t ask my friend about it because we were no long speaking. I had a dream, which has turned into nostalgia: I want to play chess with him. I’m not good at chess, but I try to like what he likes, and just the thought makes me comfortable and relaxed.
It was dramatic, but I don’t usually avoid pain when I can’t help it. Sometimes knowledge or wisdom enriches us with painful facts.